The Ten Commandments

Mankind needed a set of rules to keep them in line, so God wrote down everything we would ever need to be good and moral citizens. Sure, he left out a few important ones, like anti-slavery laws, women's voting rights, anti-child abuse laws, but what do those matter when you've got "remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy".

I do like the no murdering, no steeling rules, and no bearing false witness rules. I'll even look the other way regarding the Bible's acceptance and glorification of the ruthless murder of and plundering from rival tribes. But what of the other rules on the tablets?

1) You shall have no other Gods before me: So practicing Hinduism is immoral and offensive to this God. That’s about a billion people right there that are on their way to Hell through no fault of their own.

2) You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Many religions do this, including Christianity. Who is that likeness of above the pulpit in church? You know, the guy on the cross. How is that not an idol? Let’s continue: You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me,: So if my great-grandfather worshiped an idol, God will punish me and all the generations of family between, regardless of my guilt or innocence. Sounds perfectly reasonable.

3) You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God: I guess naming my dog ‘God’ was a bad idea. For an omnibenevolent god, he sure does get upset easily.

4) Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. For six days you shall labour and do all your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns: I have yet to find a mall that isn’t open on Sunday. But working in retail is like hell on earth anyway, so they won’t be able to tell the difference when God smites them for their sinful ways of trying to pay their bills and put food on their table.

5) Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you: That’s a nice idea in many cases, but there are many parents that are not deserving of respect. If parents observe God’s rule outlined in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 and stone unruly children to death, I’d say they are not very deserving of honour.

7) You shall not commit adultery: A nice idea in principle, but like the one about honouring your folks, there are many exceptions. Consider Deuteronomy 22:28-29, which requires a man who rapes an unmarried girl to pay her father fifty shekels of silver and then marry the poor girl. I don't think it's fair of God to require this woman to honour marriage vows to a depraved deviant like this. Also, there being multiple male characters in the bible with two or more wives, it seems the rule is meant only to apply to women. If applied only to women, this rule is strictly a tool of oppression.

10) Neither shall you covet your neighbour’s wife. Neither shall you desire your neighbour’s house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour: I wasn’t aware that one’s desire was subject to the will. I do not decide what I desire. I cannot snap my fingers and instantly desire my neighbour's brussels sprouts if I don't like brussels sprouts, and likewise, I cannot cease my desire of my neighbour's brussels sprouts if I happen to like brussels sprouts. Stealing the brussels sprouts is another story, but stealing is covered in commandment eight. This has nothing to do with stealing and everything to do with desiring. Also, this rule is clearly directed at males. It does not command women not to covet their neighbour's husbands. It speaks directly to men and commands them not to desire their male neighbour's property, including wives. This rule sets us up for failure. I would expect an all knowing God to think these rules through a little more thoroughly.